His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

MuH NaMe aInT DiCk sO KeEp iT OuT Ya mOuTh!!!!

MuH NaMe aInT DiCk sO KeEp iT OuT Ya mOuTh!!!!

When I cruise through the ghetto I drive slow I'm quick to buck a duck...

When I cruise through the ghetto I drive slow I'm quick to buck a duck...

I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and...

I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and...