We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Children Quotes, Teachers And Teaching Quotes

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.