Take my wife... Please!

Quote by Henny Youngman

Topics: Henny Youngman Quotes

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no...

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to...

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks...

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill,...

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out...

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup...

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with...

Loving an old bachelor is always a no-win situation, and you come to terms with...

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.