Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

#Rodney Dangerfield

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

#Rodney Dangerfield

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

#Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

#Rodney Dangerfield

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

#Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

#Rodney Dangerfield

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

#Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

#Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

#Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

#Rodney Dangerfield

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves...

#Rodney Dangerfield

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

#Rodney Dangerfield