Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an...

#Drink

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

#Actors And Acting, #Emotion

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

#Love

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician...

#Rodney Dangerfield

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and...

#Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.'...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately,...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told...

#Rodney Dangerfield