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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.