The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...