Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants...

The suburban housewife -- she was the dream image of the young American women and...

The suburban housewife -- she was the dream image of the young American women and...