I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

I never met a kid I liked.

I never met a kid I liked.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

And on the third day eleven bullocks, two rams, fourteen lambs of the first year...

And on the third day eleven bullocks, two rams, fourteen lambs of the first year...

In eternity there is indeed something true and sublime. But all these times and places...

In eternity there is indeed something true and sublime. But all these times and places...