Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I drink therefore I am.

I drink therefore I am.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake,...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.