Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a...

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

A wonderful drink, wine. . . . Did you ever hear of an Italian grape...

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid...

Without fear and illness, I could never have accomplished all I have.

Without fear and illness, I could never have accomplished all I have.

Doubtis an illness that comes from knowledge and leads to madness.

Doubtis an illness that comes from knowledge and leads to madness.