I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

The decadent international but individualistic capitalism in the hands of which we found ourselves after...

The decadent international but individualistic capitalism in the hands of which we found ourselves after...

Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity...

Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity...