I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink...

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.