If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are...

The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are...

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in...

Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in...

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me...

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me...