If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a...

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

I like children - fried.

I like children - fried.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly...

And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly...

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.