Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and...

My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and...

God Almighty first planted a garden.

God Almighty first planted a garden.