You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the...

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the...

There are two great days in a person's life -- the day we are born...

There are two great days in a person's life -- the day we are born...