You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

To solve any problem, here are three questions to ask yourself: First, what could I...

To solve any problem, here are three questions to ask yourself: First, what could I...

Democracy is finding proximate solutions to insoluble problems.

Democracy is finding proximate solutions to insoluble problems.