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The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.