When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
Quote by George Carlin
George Carlin Quotes
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...
The status quo sucks.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
Religion is just mind control.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...