When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Religion is just mind control

Religion is just mind control

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.