When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...