When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...