If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Men lose more conquests by their own awkwardness than by any virtue in the woman.

Men lose more conquests by their own awkwardness than by any virtue in the woman.