We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Thanksgiving Quotes

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Religion is just mind control

Religion is just mind control

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...