We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.
Quote by George Carlin
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...
The status quo sucks.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Life is God's novel. Let him write it
God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.
I tend to think that cricket is the greatest thing that God ever created on...