I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.