I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Animals do not admire each other. A horse does not admire its companion.

Animals do not admire each other. A horse does not admire its companion.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

As children, we all live in a world of imagination, of fantasy, and for some...

As children, we all live in a world of imagination, of fantasy, and for some...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are...

In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are...