Religion is just mind control.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Tools of the trade

Tools of the trade

Trade knows neither friends or kindred

Trade knows neither friends or kindred