The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these…
Quote by Bill Watterson
It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.
If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live...
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
A real job is a job you hate.
When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now...
I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by...
You should stick with what you enjoy, what you find funny -- that's the humor...
Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe...
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond...
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.