Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.