One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Drink Quotes, Funny Quotes

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed...

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed...

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time, a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into...

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time, a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into...