The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Quote by George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...
You go to your TV to turn your brain off. You go to the computer...
The purpose of life is a life of purpose