The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music.

I want to do a musical movie. Like Evita, but with good music.

The immense popularity of American movies abroad demonstrates that Europe is the unfinished negative of...

The immense popularity of American movies abroad demonstrates that Europe is the unfinished negative of...