The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...