Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Driving Quotes, Funny Quotes

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.