Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
Quote by George Carlin
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...
What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...
Religion is just mind control.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...
The statesman cannot govern without stability of belief, true or false
First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, I believe, three times.