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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

I had hoped that the current presidential campaign debates might educate the public as to...

I had hoped that the current presidential campaign debates might educate the public as to...

Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of...

Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of...

Controversies merely speculative are of small importance in themselves, however they may have sometimes heated...

Controversies merely speculative are of small importance in themselves, however they may have sometimes heated...

99 bottles of Vicodin...

99 bottles of Vicodin...

The magician and the politician have much in common: they both have to draw our...

The magician and the politician have much in common: they both have to draw our...