The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of...

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of...

Baseball gives every American boy a chance to excel, not just to be as good...

Baseball gives every American boy a chance to excel, not just to be as good...