I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Authority Quotes

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....