When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Animals Quotes, Children Quotes, Death And Dying Quotes, Possibility Quotes

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the radio as they trick...

Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the radio as they trick...

I hate driving behind log trucks, all I can think about is Final Destination...

I hate driving behind log trucks, all I can think about is Final Destination...

I will never give in to old age until I become old.

I will never give in to old age until I become old.