If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

During a test; people look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right...

During a test; people look up for inspiration, down in desperation and left and right...

In life you need either inspiration or desperation.

In life you need either inspiration or desperation.

The best way of forgetting how you think you feel is to concentrate on what...

The best way of forgetting how you think you feel is to concentrate on what...