If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Well, that's baseball. Rags to riches one day and riches to rags the next. But...

Well, that's baseball. Rags to riches one day and riches to rags the next. But...

The difference between winning nineteen games and winning twenty for a pitcher is bigger than...

The difference between winning nineteen games and winning twenty for a pitcher is bigger than...