I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Leave the rest to the gods.

Leave the rest to the gods.

Without God, you can do nothing. With God there is nothing you cannot do.

Without God, you can do nothing. With God there is nothing you cannot do.