I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot...

The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot...

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself

You have to do it yourself, no one else will do it for you. You...

You have to do it yourself, no one else will do it for you. You...

Tact is the unsaid part of what you think; it's opposite, the unthought part of...

Tact is the unsaid part of what you think; it's opposite, the unthought part of...