I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

If you believe in an unseen Christ, you will believe in the unseen Christlike potential...

If you believe in an unseen Christ, you will believe in the unseen Christlike potential...

A man has no religion who has not slowly and painfully gathered one together, adding...

A man has no religion who has not slowly and painfully gathered one together, adding...