I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Children Quotes, Family Quotes, Memory Quotes, Mothers Quotes

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and...

Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and...

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he...

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he...

No ordinary work done by a man is either as hard or as responsible as...

No ordinary work done by a man is either as hard or as responsible as...

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.

Impossible is a word humans use far too often.

Impossible is a word humans use far too often.