I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Change Quotes, Funny Quotes

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

We believe that doctors have the same concerns as their patients and will share in...

We believe that doctors have the same concerns as their patients and will share in...

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three...

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three...

NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.