I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Change Quotes, Funny Quotes

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a...

If I am still standing at the end of the race, hit me with a...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all...