If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Smile Quotes

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.

Improvement makes strait roads: but the crooked roads without Improvement are roads of Genius.

Improvement makes strait roads: but the crooked roads without Improvement are roads of Genius.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the...

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the...