Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Quote by George Carlin
George Carlin Quotes
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...
The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity
When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.