Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other...

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other...

You never have to advertise a fire. Everyone comes running when there's a fire. Likewise,...

You never have to advertise a fire. Everyone comes running when there's a fire. Likewise,...

The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One...

The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...