Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Driving Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...