Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Women Quotes

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on...

The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on...

May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow. And may trouble avoid you Wherever you...

May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow. And may trouble avoid you Wherever you...