Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Funny Quotes, Get Well Quotes

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow...

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow...

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...