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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

A woman is worried about the future until she gets a husband, while a man...

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A woman is worried about the future until she gets a husband, while a man...

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination

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I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination

Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

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Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die...

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

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The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

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Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

I don’t want a relationship where people say, "They look so cute together". I want...

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I don’t want a relationship where people say,

Be open to whatever comes next

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Be open to whatever comes next

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

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To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead

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When you stop doing things for fun you might as well be dead

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...