The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

Picture Quote by Everybody loves Raymond

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

Topics: Funny Picture Quotes, Love Picture Quotes, Relationships Picture Quotes

A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

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A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

I can always make you smile

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I can always make you smile

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

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Haloween=candy Thanksgiving=food Christmas=gifts New Year=drinks Valentines=sex Birthday=All the above.jpg

This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and...

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This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

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Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

If you're good at something Never Do it for free

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If you're good at something Never Do it for free

A fool always finds one more fool to admire him

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A fool always finds one more fool to admire him

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

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Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

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Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, expensive or impossible

Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.

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Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day.

For small beings such as we the vastness is only bearable through love

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For small beings such as we the vastness is only bearable through love

You can replace me but you can't replace the memories you had with me.

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You can replace me but you can't replace the memories you had with me.