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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Thing is, hope's for sissies.

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Thing is, hope's for sissies.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree, in the eyes of children, they...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

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You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

Keep smiling and one day Life will get tired of upsetting you

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Keep smiling and one day Life will get tired of upsetting you

How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say

I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination

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I don't have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no...

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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no...

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

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It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.

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In every job that must be done there is an element of fun.

I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.

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I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could

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Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could