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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

I set fire to the rain And I threw us into the flames Well it...

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I set fire to the rain And I threw us into the flames Well it...

Too young, too dumb to realize That I should've bought you flowers And held your...

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Too young, too dumb to realize That I should've bought you flowers And held your...

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubts separates people. It is...

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There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubts separates people. It is...

You can break down a woman temporarily but a real woman will always pick up...

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You can break down a woman temporarily but a real woman will always pick up...

Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

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Only the ones that hurt you, can make you feel better; only the ones that...

A lot of girls fall in love with the wrong guys,simply because the wrong guys...

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A lot of girls fall in love with the wrong guys,simply because the wrong guys...

The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

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The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

If you left me without a reason do not come back with an excuse

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If you left me without a reason do not come back with an excuse

Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied:...

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Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied:...

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue...

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It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue...

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...