I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...