I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that...

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that...

One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesnt live like...

One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesnt live like...

You know that you know the true meaning of sacrificial brotherly love when you let...

You know that you know the true meaning of sacrificial brotherly love when you let...