I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

And the other lamb thou shalt offer at even, and shalt do thereto according to...

And the other lamb thou shalt offer at even, and shalt do thereto according to...

And David longed, and said, Oh that one would give me drink of the water...

And David longed, and said, Oh that one would give me drink of the water...