I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you've got money.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty,...