Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Quote by Joe E Lewis

Topics: Joe E Lewis Quotes

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days...

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got...

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my...

I drink to forget I drink.

I drink to forget I drink.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next...

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so...

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so...

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to...

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a...