My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Quote by Rodney Dangerfield

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind...

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex. In fact, I...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

Health food makes me sick.

Health food makes me sick.

Facts are to the mind what food is to the body

Facts are to the mind what food is to the body

A man can have sex with animals such as sheeps, cows, camels and so on....

A man can have sex with animals such as sheeps, cows, camels and so on....