Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

Topics: Facebook Status Quotes, Funny Quotes, Funny Facebook Status Quotes, Girls Quotes

Too many good girls single, too many hoes taken.

Too many good girls single, too many hoes taken.

Dear radio stations, You do know there are more than 4 songs in the world,...

Dear radio stations, You do know there are more than 4 songs in the world,...

Dear Beyonce, Thanks for showing everyone it is still possible to date, get married, THEN...

Dear Beyonce, Thanks for showing everyone it is still possible to date, get married, THEN...

Typical Beer Pong Game: 5% playing Beer Pong. 95% chasing the ball around the room.

Typical Beer Pong Game: 5% playing Beer Pong. 95% chasing the ball around the room.

S(he's) br(ok)en be(cause) s(he) be(lie)ve(d).

S(he's) br(ok)en be(cause) s(he) be(lie)ve(d).

Even if you aren't hungry, the worst thing you can be told after a dentist...

Even if you aren't hungry, the worst thing you can be told after a dentist...

Get off Facebook while in church.

Get off Facebook while in church.

There's nothing worse than your foot falling asleep and having to stomp around like a...

There's nothing worse than your foot falling asleep and having to stomp around like a...

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh wait..It's the flying f*ck I will never give.

Something is wrong with our government when I see people using food stamps and an...

Something is wrong with our government when I see people using food stamps and an...

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks,...

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks,...

That terrible moment when you are halfway across the room with the food you just...

That terrible moment when you are halfway across the room with the food you just...

Having 20 girlfriends isn't swag...having 1 girlfriend and 19 girls chasing you is.

Having 20 girlfriends isn't swag...having 1 girlfriend and 19 girls chasing you is.

They say you are what you eat. Well that's funny...I don't recall eating a sexy...

They say you are what you eat. Well that's funny...I don't recall eating a sexy...

Few things anger me more than having a song stuck in my head that I...

Few things anger me more than having a song stuck in my head that I...

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words...

One of the hardest things to do is trying to plug in your charger in...

One of the hardest things to do is trying to plug in your charger in...

Wearing a hoodie and shorts because youre confused about the weather.

Wearing a hoodie and shorts because youre confused about the weather.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

I hate when people assume you're on your period when you're in a bad mood.

I hate when people assume you're on your period when you're in a bad mood.